everything's ALL F-ED UP!!!
havent been blogging for like the longest time ever, but dun expect this to be some ya-ya update. jus bloody pissed with a lot of things right now, where else to let it all out????
AARARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!
TT bloody stupid idiot sister of mine, ms debbie "devil" low, has been freaking taking the PISS!!! first night, took my aircon control without asking and returning...nv mind. 2nd night, took my aircon control without asking and returning, nv mind... next afternoon, she took my aircon control without asking and returning. so as we were bout to leave for grandma's house for dinner, i knocked on her door to ask for it back cos i needed to turn off my aircon. of cos i was upset tt she had kept on taking it despite me telling her to put it back the first two times. i became pissed this time, but still told her in a rather patient voice," hey, can u PLS return it after u use it or not???" then she got the fucking bloody nerve to retort under her breath, "as if u're any better (or smth along tt lines)". WTFFFFFFFFFF!!!!! how dare she take my stuff, be NOT apologetic and piss dare to retort??as i stormed back into my room, i shouted, " Dun be such an ASS!!!" and she still got the nerve to shout back, "oi! can u stop saying tt? it's bloody rude ok???" erm... excuse me, u? telling me i'm rude? then we got into a big argument in front of mom and dad (but they did nothing..) and she ended up crying and told mom and dad tt's she not gg for dinner at grandma's anymore. it felt damn good when dad told her firmly tt she WAS still gg to grandma's.
this bloody sister of mine has been running me down since i was 10+ till now. jus kept snapping at me, belittling me. wateva i did was wrong in her eyes. it really HINDERED my maturity a lot. i didnt argue back, i didnt noe how to...there i was, a young kid always trying to play into her good books, but she always treated me like SHIT, as if she hated my presence. have nv been close to her in my life. Thank God for dai kah jie!!! her love for me really lifted me up. debbie low, if YOU are reading this, i'm warning you!!! i'm not tt little kid who needs ur approval anymore. i'm not the little kid to be pushed ard. i'm not the little kid who allowed himself to be belittled anymore. if you dare cross the line like u did 2 mondays ago, i WILL strike back till u cry again. i'm 21 this yr already and i'm big enuf to stand up for myself. no longer will i shout back cos i'm angry, i'll play the psychhological game with u. YOU'D better get used to this! it's for ur own DAMN good. YOU HEAR TT?????
(we have not been talking since tt incident 2 mondays ago. not like i care anyway!)
parents have hurt me REAL deep the past week too. it's like, they really disapprove my involvement in dance. it's become a big part of my life now and it's an area i really want to improve in as a life skill. but everytime i bring up dance to build up our conversations, u always have to bring in the gay issue?? u really think i'd turn gay isiT?? and it's such a major conversation killer! mom, it really hurt me when u very directly implied tt to me. i so very wanted to shout in ur face when u said tt, but by the grace of God, i controlled myself. u even randomly qouted the bible saying, "it's those who think themselves strong tt will be the first to fall." mom, how dare u even think of the idea tt ur son will turn gay jus cos he dances? i'm doin jazz, although the moves may seem a bit feminine to a person who doesnt appreciate it, it's a historical artform and it's part of the style of dance. i dun move like tt becos i'm gay, i move like tt cos tt's how the style has developed over centuries! so why are u teaching? there are many homosexuals in education nowadays. dad, why are u playing golf? homosexuals play golf too! if u think wat i jus said was outta context, tt's EXACTLY how i feel too. and dad, i really am not pleased how you responded when i was sharing my day at dance class, while in the car with you. i jus said tt the dance instructor was called 'caleb' too, then u had to immediately answer (whether jokingly or not)," um hmm...i bet he's gay". i really felt like crying. DAD!!! it's more likely that he's a CHRISTIAN. how can u make random comments like tt??? homosexuality is NOT an action. it's a LIFESTYLE!!! i'm sure u know tt too. but u dun want to admit it in front of me so tt it'll support ur stand tt u think i'll turn gay! y so hypocritical?
i'm really really close to tears as i continue writing this post...wat is my family coming too? i jus feel tt i've no one to turn too anymore...really hope to get back to melb real soon. tt's where all my real frens are...ppl who understand
sigh...
cal le buckaroo.....
AARARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!
TT bloody stupid idiot sister of mine, ms debbie "devil" low, has been freaking taking the PISS!!! first night, took my aircon control without asking and returning...nv mind. 2nd night, took my aircon control without asking and returning, nv mind... next afternoon, she took my aircon control without asking and returning. so as we were bout to leave for grandma's house for dinner, i knocked on her door to ask for it back cos i needed to turn off my aircon. of cos i was upset tt she had kept on taking it despite me telling her to put it back the first two times. i became pissed this time, but still told her in a rather patient voice," hey, can u PLS return it after u use it or not???" then she got the fucking bloody nerve to retort under her breath, "as if u're any better (or smth along tt lines)". WTFFFFFFFFFF!!!!! how dare she take my stuff, be NOT apologetic and piss dare to retort??as i stormed back into my room, i shouted, " Dun be such an ASS!!!" and she still got the nerve to shout back, "oi! can u stop saying tt? it's bloody rude ok???" erm... excuse me, u? telling me i'm rude? then we got into a big argument in front of mom and dad (but they did nothing..) and she ended up crying and told mom and dad tt's she not gg for dinner at grandma's anymore. it felt damn good when dad told her firmly tt she WAS still gg to grandma's.
this bloody sister of mine has been running me down since i was 10+ till now. jus kept snapping at me, belittling me. wateva i did was wrong in her eyes. it really HINDERED my maturity a lot. i didnt argue back, i didnt noe how to...there i was, a young kid always trying to play into her good books, but she always treated me like SHIT, as if she hated my presence. have nv been close to her in my life. Thank God for dai kah jie!!! her love for me really lifted me up. debbie low, if YOU are reading this, i'm warning you!!! i'm not tt little kid who needs ur approval anymore. i'm not the little kid to be pushed ard. i'm not the little kid who allowed himself to be belittled anymore. if you dare cross the line like u did 2 mondays ago, i WILL strike back till u cry again. i'm 21 this yr already and i'm big enuf to stand up for myself. no longer will i shout back cos i'm angry, i'll play the psychhological game with u. YOU'D better get used to this! it's for ur own DAMN good. YOU HEAR TT?????
(we have not been talking since tt incident 2 mondays ago. not like i care anyway!)
parents have hurt me REAL deep the past week too. it's like, they really disapprove my involvement in dance. it's become a big part of my life now and it's an area i really want to improve in as a life skill. but everytime i bring up dance to build up our conversations, u always have to bring in the gay issue?? u really think i'd turn gay isiT?? and it's such a major conversation killer! mom, it really hurt me when u very directly implied tt to me. i so very wanted to shout in ur face when u said tt, but by the grace of God, i controlled myself. u even randomly qouted the bible saying, "it's those who think themselves strong tt will be the first to fall." mom, how dare u even think of the idea tt ur son will turn gay jus cos he dances? i'm doin jazz, although the moves may seem a bit feminine to a person who doesnt appreciate it, it's a historical artform and it's part of the style of dance. i dun move like tt becos i'm gay, i move like tt cos tt's how the style has developed over centuries! so why are u teaching? there are many homosexuals in education nowadays. dad, why are u playing golf? homosexuals play golf too! if u think wat i jus said was outta context, tt's EXACTLY how i feel too. and dad, i really am not pleased how you responded when i was sharing my day at dance class, while in the car with you. i jus said tt the dance instructor was called 'caleb' too, then u had to immediately answer (whether jokingly or not)," um hmm...i bet he's gay". i really felt like crying. DAD!!! it's more likely that he's a CHRISTIAN. how can u make random comments like tt??? homosexuality is NOT an action. it's a LIFESTYLE!!! i'm sure u know tt too. but u dun want to admit it in front of me so tt it'll support ur stand tt u think i'll turn gay! y so hypocritical?
i'm really really close to tears as i continue writing this post...wat is my family coming too? i jus feel tt i've no one to turn too anymore...really hope to get back to melb real soon. tt's where all my real frens are...ppl who understand
sigh...
cal le buckaroo.....
posted by Cal le buckaroo! at
2:15 AM
2 Comments:
heyz caleb! Hugs from down-under! Man, I certainly feel what it's like to not have parents' support. Maybe that's what causes us to want to rebel... But hang in there and dun give up. I never gave up on media when my parents disapproved and got somewhere in the end. Sometimes it's hard for parents to accept new fashioned ways and see what their kids really enjoy doing. It's kind of a closed-up perception really. But soon enough, they learn that it's not all that bad, and that sometimes they have to let go, especially when it comes to their younger ones. Parents can't protect us all the time, and hopefully He will let them see your heart and understand. Maybe you can slowly open your parents to dance. Invite them to a play or some sort where the guys don't necessarily dance gayish, and see what they think. Or perhaps a moving dance routine, where they can really appreciate your style of dancing. Well... sometimes parents need a bit of proof too, so perhaps show them profiles of professional guy dancers doing your style of dance and who've got girlfriends etc? Even the profiles of Christian guy dancers doing your style of dance?
One other thing - dance to me is an expression of an art form, but we can also express our dance to him. Like worship, there are many ways of worshipping him (you raise your hands, you wave your hands, you sway, you kneel, you just sing, etc). Worship is an expression and even dance, you can dance for him for joy too. No matter how you do it, it's the heart that speaks through that expression.
Good post.
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