F*** IT!!! it's no use explaining!!!

wat the hell is wrong with the two of u??? ever since i joined dance, i had NV heard a word of approval from the two of u. sure, during family gatherings, u always tell relatives how i'm so involved in dance and stuff...but it's a freaking hell of a diff story during conversations back home!

jus how many times do the 2 of u have to associate homosexuality with dance? how many times do u have to bring it up almost immediately after i bring dance in our conversations? how many time do u need to keep denying tt u associate homosexuality with dance? i'm bloody pissed bout it and this has REALLY gotta STOP!!! F*** IT...

i was jus trying to build on our conversation in the car, so i decided to share bout my dance class yest. and i told u guys tt the choreographer told me tt i shld stretch more to improve my flexibility. and pretty much similar to the last dance conversation in the car, dad, u said, "aiya, dun need to be too flexible la. cos when u're too flexible, u'll start to walk a bit sissy-ish".

tt was when i decided to tell the two of u how it really hurts me when u quickly talk bout homosexualism everytime i talk about dance. and tt it is a major conversation killer. i mean, wat's the freaking connection btwn flexibility and walking sissy-ish??? then the 2 of u got really defensive and started trying to convince me tt u jus mentioned NOTHING bout homosexualism...trying to convince me tt wat u really meant was being flexible would make one walk more femininely and less masculinely. i argued tt gymnasts, IN NO WAY, walk in a feminine manner. then u said tt "gymnasts are totally different". i argued back "but u JUST associated flexibility with being sissy!!!" and when u argued back "no, i did not associate flexibility with being sissy" (pls refer to previous paragraph, last line.)WTH!!! the whole argument last bout 3 mins in the car.

it was obvious my parents were caught contradicting their own words, but did not want to accept the fact they were wrong. jus like u understand tt homosexuality is a lifestyle, NOT an action, but in my case, u're willing to make an exception. i starting tearing up after the conversation cos i was very deeply hurt by their unncessary connotative comments. it jus hurt so badly...and i felt it really ironic cos dad and i were talking to my uncle and my cousin bout dance. my uncle aunt and cousin go for salsa classes and stuff, so we were talking bout dance. and the way dad was involved in the conversation seemed as if he had grown to accept dance. but now, i'm jus really disappointed in him....

sigh
cal le buckaroo

jus RADO and me.

HEY PPL!!!

it's been such a great day today. ahhaha, well...was boring initially, jum bumming ard at home all day. then at night, went with mom and dad to vivo to buy me an advance 21st BDAE PRESENT!!! a simply gorgeous RADO watch. when i saw the rado ad on tv many many months ago, i knew tt was the kind of watch i wanted to have. was gonna look for a tag huer initially (family tradition), but couldnt find a *WOW* factor. plus i didnt want to buy a watch i didnt really like jus for the sake of buying one. so proud of my buy. elegant, classy and stylish!!!






so happy..ahhhhhh,
cal le buckaroo!!!

.....

ahhh...feeling a lot better now. guess i really needed some place to jus blurt it all out!

but had my freaking wisdom tooth extracted out man this afternoon man. wat's worse, i'm allergic to painkillers, so i jus have to bear with the pain. have been having really sharp headaches, damn annoying la!!! the surgery for jus one tooth took 1hr 15min already. very stubborn tooth, dentist had a tough time. cant talk much for now, hungry, but unable to eat much (living off milo atm) and i forsee a bad fever tml..( common symptom after extraction)...sheesh. can it get any worse?

ouch...
cal le buckaroo

everything's ALL F-ED UP!!!

havent been blogging for like the longest time ever, but dun expect this to be some ya-ya update. jus bloody pissed with a lot of things right now, where else to let it all out????

AARARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!

TT bloody stupid idiot sister of mine, ms debbie "devil" low, has been freaking taking the PISS!!! first night, took my aircon control without asking and returning...nv mind. 2nd night, took my aircon control without asking and returning, nv mind... next afternoon, she took my aircon control without asking and returning. so as we were bout to leave for grandma's house for dinner, i knocked on her door to ask for it back cos i needed to turn off my aircon. of cos i was upset tt she had kept on taking it despite me telling her to put it back the first two times. i became pissed this time, but still told her in a rather patient voice," hey, can u PLS return it after u use it or not???" then she got the fucking bloody nerve to retort under her breath, "as if u're any better (or smth along tt lines)". WTFFFFFFFFFF!!!!! how dare she take my stuff, be NOT apologetic and piss dare to retort??as i stormed back into my room, i shouted, " Dun be such an ASS!!!" and she still got the nerve to shout back, "oi! can u stop saying tt? it's bloody rude ok???" erm... excuse me, u? telling me i'm rude? then we got into a big argument in front of mom and dad (but they did nothing..) and she ended up crying and told mom and dad tt's she not gg for dinner at grandma's anymore. it felt damn good when dad told her firmly tt she WAS still gg to grandma's.

this bloody sister of mine has been running me down since i was 10+ till now. jus kept snapping at me, belittling me. wateva i did was wrong in her eyes. it really HINDERED my maturity a lot. i didnt argue back, i didnt noe how to...there i was, a young kid always trying to play into her good books, but she always treated me like SHIT, as if she hated my presence. have nv been close to her in my life. Thank God for dai kah jie!!! her love for me really lifted me up. debbie low, if YOU are reading this, i'm warning you!!! i'm not tt little kid who needs ur approval anymore. i'm not the little kid to be pushed ard. i'm not the little kid who allowed himself to be belittled anymore. if you dare cross the line like u did 2 mondays ago, i WILL strike back till u cry again. i'm 21 this yr already and i'm big enuf to stand up for myself. no longer will i shout back cos i'm angry, i'll play the psychhological game with u. YOU'D better get used to this! it's for ur own DAMN good. YOU HEAR TT?????

(we have not been talking since tt incident 2 mondays ago. not like i care anyway!)

parents have hurt me REAL deep the past week too. it's like, they really disapprove my involvement in dance. it's become a big part of my life now and it's an area i really want to improve in as a life skill. but everytime i bring up dance to build up our conversations, u always have to bring in the gay issue?? u really think i'd turn gay isiT?? and it's such a major conversation killer! mom, it really hurt me when u very directly implied tt to me. i so very wanted to shout in ur face when u said tt, but by the grace of God, i controlled myself. u even randomly qouted the bible saying, "it's those who think themselves strong tt will be the first to fall." mom, how dare u even think of the idea tt ur son will turn gay jus cos he dances? i'm doin jazz, although the moves may seem a bit feminine to a person who doesnt appreciate it, it's a historical artform and it's part of the style of dance. i dun move like tt becos i'm gay, i move like tt cos tt's how the style has developed over centuries! so why are u teaching? there are many homosexuals in education nowadays. dad, why are u playing golf? homosexuals play golf too! if u think wat i jus said was outta context, tt's EXACTLY how i feel too. and dad, i really am not pleased how you responded when i was sharing my day at dance class, while in the car with you. i jus said tt the dance instructor was called 'caleb' too, then u had to immediately answer (whether jokingly or not)," um hmm...i bet he's gay". i really felt like crying. DAD!!! it's more likely that he's a CHRISTIAN. how can u make random comments like tt??? homosexuality is NOT an action. it's a LIFESTYLE!!! i'm sure u know tt too. but u dun want to admit it in front of me so tt it'll support ur stand tt u think i'll turn gay! y so hypocritical?

i'm really really close to tears as i continue writing this post...wat is my family coming too? i jus feel tt i've no one to turn too anymore...really hope to get back to melb real soon. tt's where all my real frens are...ppl who understand

sigh...
cal le buckaroo.....