a heart of turmoil

The joylessness of life concaves in,
What has meaning anymore?
This nagging burden inside of me,
it chews at me mercilessly all in one snap of its jaws.
How temporal the state of human emotions.
Shld i then place my hope in Joy if
all it takes is one split second to dent it?
My heart is zombified, exhausted, wasted,
Yet guilty tt i shld think my issues much worse than others.
The vow i made to you, oh God
is coming to an end as i soon turn 21.
You have taught me much bout love
and now as i prepare my heart to give it,
i still want to submit it to You though!
Shld i only accept the good You have prepared for me?
Am i not able to accept the bad too?
like i said, all it took was one split second
to crush my joy and dampen my soul.
throw in the lack of social contact this week
and pure cognitive exhaustion, Lord how much more can i take?
Everything feels low, shallow
and a thousand needles pierce thru my heart.
But i still want to remain joyful in the midst of my distress
i want to continue to praise You in my sorrow
Set my heart right b4 you, Oh Lord
and leave this thorn in me so i can realise that
Your Grace Is Sufficient For Me.
amen...

burning and fading out...
Cal le buckaroo...sigh